


Dumb and Dumber

by Sasugaafee



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Humor, please don't sue me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 08:11:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16036439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sasugaafee/pseuds/Sasugaafee
Summary: In which Anzu was on her period. There's no one else so she asked Leo to buy some pads and painkillers for her, assuming Leo at least knew how does it look. God, how wrong she was.“Leader, I know you tend to lose things… but to lose your brain is a bit—“A confused Leo ended up calling the whole Knights gang to go with him.





	Dumb and Dumber

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my native language, sorry!
> 
> I use he/him pronouns for arashi

Today was just another peaceful day in Yumenosaki, a perfect day for Tsukinaga Leo to take a leisure stroll around the school. The world is a wonder, inspiration could hit him even when he just walked along the corridor like this. He had his phone with him now so he could just call someone to pick him up if he happened to be lost, _easy life_.

When he was about to turn in the corner, he almost ran into someone who was crouching beside the wall. It was fortunate that he didn’t bump onto the person. “Anzu, is that you? Geez, you surprised me!” As Leo took a closer look, he noticed she was writhing in pain while holding her belly and her blazer was wrapped around her waist instead, “Anzu?? What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

“Uuhh… Leo-san…”

She looked like she was in so much pain, Leo panicked. “Come on, Anzu. I’ll help you! WIIIUU WIIUUU!!” The siren sound wasn’t necessary, but she was surprised he had the strength to carry her to the studio (closest place to rest from there) before she could even refuse.

“Now, you can lie down there!!”

“It’s… okay. You don’t have to carry me here in the first place. But, uh…” she hesitated. “Sorry, Leo-san… can I ask you for help?”

“Of course! Just say it~!!”

“Can you get me some painkillers and uhm maybe… some pads?”

Leo raised a brow, the name was new for him. “Sure, Anzu. But… Pads????”

“Yeah… it’s a kind of thing that can absorb blood or something like that.”

“Blood? A vampire!?”

“Also, please search for the one with wings.”

“A WINGED VAMPIRE—!!??”

The clueless guy widened his eyes, and Anzu was too distressed by her period cramps to pay any mind to his misconception. She just smiled, “I’m counting on you, Leo-san.”

Her words encouraged him, “Alright then, I’ll get it for you! Wait here okay, Anzu? I’ll make it fast!!” he dashed right away.

Even so, he was still clueless.

As he walked and thought about it outside, his head was still in daze. He never know you can just ask someone to get you a vampire. Modernization sure made everything convenient. It gave him inspiration but now wasn’t the right time since he should help Anzu.  He wasn’t sure he could get a vampire anywhere near here, but she looked hurt so he should try his best.

“Ahhhh, I’ll just ask them!!”

 

* * *

 

 

“Hello, Sena? Urgent! I need your help!!”

“What is it, Ousama?”

“Do you know where can I buy a winged vampire?”

“Sorry, wrong number.”

His number was blocked.

“GODDAMMIT SENA YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!”

 

* * *

 

 

“RITTSU!!! YOU SAID YOU’RE A VAMPIRE, RIGHT? DO YOU HAVE WINGS??”

“What—”

“RITTSU, YOU JERK! ANZU NEEDS YOU NOW, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE WINGS WITH YOU!!???”

“Oi, oi, slow down…. I don’t follow you, Ousama.”

“YOU ARE WHAT ANZU CALLED AS PADS, RIGHT!???”

There was no response.

“Rittsu? Rittsuuuu??”

“Ousama, I’m leaving.”

“Are you leaving to grow wings?”

“I’m leaving Knights.”

The call ended.

“RIIIITTSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.”

 

* * *

 

 

“I see. Basically you’re calling us all here because Anzu told you to buy some pads and painkillers, to the point you even threatened us to come,” Arashi rubbed his temple. “Saying you will write your music using my expensive eyebrow pencil… the image itself is scary, please don’t do it again.”

Leo was already desperate enough and growing more worried about Anzu, so he forced all of his unit members to meet in front of the school gate. He thought the more people to help, the better.

“Still though, I can't believe you called the four of us just to buy some. Fucking. Pads.” Izumi glared menacingly as he emphasized every word. “He even asked me where to buy a vampire. I almost called the mental hospital to ask whether they lost a patient.”

“At least he didn’t think of you as the thing itself,” Ritsu deadpanned.

“What the fuck.”

Tsukasa sweated, “Leader, I know you tend to lose things… but to lose your brain is a bit—“

“Hey, that’s rude! Anzu told me it has something to do with blood sooooo—“

“Alright, I get it.” Arashi cut his words, while Izumi was murmuring _‘I should teach that girl to think her words carefully around idiots’_ or something along the lines. The blond pat Leo’s shoulder, “She must be waiting. Let’s go the nearby convenience store then. I have some knowledge about it, you see.”

“You do, Naru!?”

“Of course, I’m everyone’s big sister after all~” he winked. “Come on, guys. Let’s get going!”

Arashi said enthusiastically, despite the fact that they are a group of high school boys going together to buy some pads. It was a wonder how he could be so excited about the whole ordeal. Ritsu stopped suddenly, “Hey, we forgot to ask her something first.”

The lethargic guy stared at them seriously.

“What pussy size does she wear?”

Izumi slapped him.

 

* * *

 

 

After giving judgmental looks and an earful scolding for the younger Sakuma, finally they entered the convenience store. Arashi clapped his hands, “Okay, boys. To make it fast we will split up, search in every aisle for something that looks like a white fluffy sponge if you don’t know how it looks like.”

“That’s a weird way to describe it, Nacchan.”

“I don’t want to hear your complaint. Just go.”

They went on their own for several minutes. As Arashi was also looking around while humming, suddenly someone tapped his shoulder. He turned to see his leader, nonchalantly holding a Styrofoam in front of him.

“Is this it?”

Arashi pursed his lips.

The urge to do face-palm right there was so strong.

Before he could even answer, he heard some familiar voices making a commotion in the next aisle. “KASA-KUN, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SEARCH FOR PADS. NOT SOME DREADFUL SNACKS WHICH CAN MESS WITH YOUR DAILY CALORIE INTAKE LIKE THAT.”

The youngest member cursed under his breath, “Oh no, I’ve been found out.”

“You’re also holding too many packs, Secchan. Do you think Anzu would need all of it?”

“I’m getting every brand just in case. Better safe than sorry, I’m a man of perfect preparation.” Izumi smirked mockingly, “Rather than someone who got distracted instead.”

“Excuse me!!”

The bickering sounded like it wouldn’t stop soon and Arashi just wanted to cry.

“Whoah, they’re making quite a commotion there!” Leo chirped without caring, not at all noticing that one of his knights was contemplating his life right now. He turned to Arashi, “Why does Anzu need this pads thingy anyway?”

“Sanitary pads is something girls use in their period, Ousama. It's not some kind of vampire, nor Styrofoam,” he tried to explain. “In their period, girls bleed so they need the pads.”

“IS ANZU BLEEDING TOO!? SHE’S GOING TO DIE!!!!!”

“No, she won—OUSAMA, WAIT.”

Before he could even stop him, Leo already rushed to shake the poor clerk. “GIVE ME SOME PADS. SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE! IF YOU DON'T HURRY I WILL KICK YOUR ASS!!”

The others finally joined Arashi as they heard the havoc Leo caused. The clerk looked like he was about to die. They sweated cold, Knights’ reputation would be in danger at this rate.

“So, who wants to stop him from scaring the store clerk?”

“You go, Secchan.” Ritsu left.

“We don’t know him~” Arashi followed after.

“Good luck, Sena-senpai!!” Tsukasa bowed politely before catching up with the others.

Izumi cursed.

For the umpteenth time, Izumi Sena regretted knowing a Tsukinaga Leo.

 

* * *

 

 

Meanwhile, back to our precious producer.

“Why is he taking so long? … Does he import it from another planet or something? Ow, ow, my stomach.”

Please help her.

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on the prompt i posted here https://www.facebook.com/recehansampah/posts/2095365417397921  
> and the meme here https://twitter.com/sasugaafee/status/1041351582745391105


End file.
